Russian Sleeper Agents Infiltrate DNC. Part One

The Commisars in town UH Oh!

It finally happened, one of America’s most trusted political entities has been bamboozled and run up the flagpole by tyrannical Bolsheviks. According to Robby Mook , spokesperson for Hillary Clinton, it could have been Russian State Actors who so boldly hacked into the DNC’s emails and uploaded damning evidence concerning collusion against Bernie Sanders. “It was concerning last week that Donald Trump changed the Republican platform to become what some experts would regard as pro-Russian,” Mook said. Because obviously Putin would rather play WWIII chicken with Hillary instead of Trump.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz is stepping down immediately after the conclusion of the convention. Provided she isn’t run out of town on a rail from ardent Sanders forces. This is a particularly bad time for Clinton’s campaign to have to endure one more scandal. Especially one that solidifies Trump’s claims of a “rigged system”.

For his part Sanders is claiming that he suspected this type of thing all along, and was instrumental in calling for Wassermann’s Schultz’s resignation. U.S.A. Today claims that an army of disgruntled Sanders supporters plan to protest at the convention. They are demanding a complete roll call of delegates, and considering the circumstances, they just might get it. Anti-Trump Republicans tried this at their convention, but they were carted off in coffee sacks. To be beaten about the head and neck with the city of Philadelphia Yellow pages. They just had to understand that their dirt was in the bosses ditch and they had to get it out of there.

In Philadelphia it will be harder to squash the rabid anti party sentiment. The last thing Roby Mook and Hillary want to see is Sanders fans being roughed up by the goon squad. This won’t play well for the cameras, at the same time the Clinton campaign can’t deny what happened. They have to give in to the absolutely justified demands of the Bernie or Bust folks.

So much as a twitch in the wrong direction could lead to what is now being called a DEMEXIT. This phrase was coined by Ed Higgins, a serious Sanders supporter who created a march from Joppa Maryland to Philadelphia to show how strongly they oppose Hilary and the facts of the latest revelation. Higgins and like minded Democrats are threatening to leave the DNC lock stock and barrel taking their votes with them. “They are still trying to rig it in favor of the Queen,” Higgins said, referring to Clinton. “And we’re not about to coronate her.”
In the meantime, Trump is attempting to spin this into a mass migration of Democrats to the Republican ticket. My guess is that he will get a good bump out of this, but the majority of Bernie voters are probably going to flip over to Gary Johnson and the Libertarians or possibly Jill Stien and the Greens.
For that matter, Jill Stien has already invited Sanders to run on the Green party ticket. It is hard to fathom any kind of concessions that would satisfy the bloodlust coming from the left side of the Democrats. Short of handing over the nomination to Bernie, Hilary and company have no leg to stand on. What does one say in the face of hard evidence to conspire against the basic tenants of a democratic society? OOPS!? “Sorry about rigging the primaries but we had to because we don’t connect with the younger generation and we need those votes. We made good and sure to alienate the majority of white male voters between 35 and a hundred yrs. old, so we can’t depend on them now either. Plus to top it all off there are all these people on Wall Street who are going to be really upset that they wasted millions of dollars, and the best we can come up with is to blame it on the Russians. Quick someone dig up Joe McCarthy we need to know how this works.
It would be funny if the whole thing wasn’t so pathetic. However before jumping the gun and suggesting that something like this has never happened it is important to realize that insider party favoritism has a long and colorful history.
Tammany Hall was a political reality dating back to 1789. It’s most notorious leader was Boss Tweed, who would eventually be prosecuted for corruption on a major scale. The way things worked at that time, corruption was simply a matter of doing business as usual with certain “favors” for political bosses who in turn would get people elected by any means. Including but not limited to enticing people to vote for free alcohol or by direct threats of intimidation. It was also a common practice to have people vote a number of times in a single election. “Stuffing” the ballot box in favor of a given candidate. Despite the downfall of Tweed in the mid nineteenth century, remnants of the Tammany Machine were not fully swept away until John Lindsay became Mayor of New York in 1966.
Evidence of the “old” party system was still well in place in 1968 under Richard Dailey in Chicago, and one could argue that the George “W” administration took a few plays from the Tammany/ Dailey machine in their own right.
The problem with the Wasserman Shultz debacle is that Bernie never wanted to play ball with the Clintonites. He was incredulous that he could run a clean campaign and the people would support this, and he was right. This is the fly strip stuck to the bottom of Hilary’s jumpsuit. (By the way Don Knots estate called and they want his baby blue leisure suit with matching shoes back).
The Clinton campaign was so concerned that they couldn’t win on merit that they decided to stack the deck against Bernie from the very beginning. The peanut to this butter is all throughout the primaries there have been allegations of voter fraud. Most notably in California and Arizona.Combine this with 19,000 emails that directly correlate to a “rigged” insider campaign against Sanders, and that is a whole world of baggage to be toting to the DNC convention. The only good news there is that teams of donkeys can generally be found pretty cheap these days. The key thing is to find a good donkey teamster. Seeing as Debbie doesn’t have much to do anymore maybe she should take the job.

DNC Canary Gets Cannibalized, or Russian Sleeper Agents Hand Out Hallucinogens at Happy Hour.

To say it was simply an ugly affair, would be a gross understatement. Riding on the heels of the uber national Trump convention, right away things got off to a rocky start. 19,000 emails of DNC trash talking were released on to an already highly agitated group of political dissidents. Somebody said they saw a flash of yellow feathers eviscerated by blood soaked fangs, deep in the Bernie or Bust section. Moments after Hillary Clinton was officially nominated, about 2000 Bernie delegates walked out of the convention. A pin dropped and it was clearly heard by Robby Mook and Hillary Clinton. Over forty percent of the Democratic Party had just left the building.
They were back stage behind heavy security, surrounded by a four mile long eight foot fence, the mood was somber and P.E.T.A was threatening litigation. A couple of forlorn interns had been sent out to make some new canaries out of papier mache, but their hearts weren’t in it. Instead they drew happy faces on yellow tennis balls. Then the tennis balls were confiscated for improper signage by DNC enforcers. Anonymous eye witness accounts reported hearing loud sobs and declarations of KGB funded hallucinogenic orgies. Where thousands of Bernie supporters were tripping balls on 90% pure MDMA. Specially imported from Amsterdam on Soviet submarines. Anchored off the coast of Camden New Jersey.

As of this writing, day three is in full swing and the DNC is bringing out the big guns, to try and salvage what they can. Michelle Obama did what she could in the early hours of the convention, but that was before Sanders took the stage and the whole plan backfired. Barry Obama won’t have much to work with, outside of some old newspapers and some bird feed in the bottom of the mangled cage. Never the less, he will try to put a good face on a bad situation. Barry will try to deliver a knockout punch like he did against Hillary back in 08. The problem is in 08’ America was hungry for a candidate that could not only speak well, but in theory would rise above politics as usual. In 16’ Hillary is politics as usual, and that plus the Bernie exodus just about raps it up.
Outside the convention, Jill Stien, of the Green Party was waiting with glow sticks and opened arms. She told the Bernie people that she loved them and that the hallucinations, for the most part would gradually subside. Through the tearful eyes of dejected delegates, some were claiming that Trump was now going to win. They coughed and cried as they attempted to put sniffling words to their emotions. One woman fashionably decked out with duct tape across her mouth removed it for a moment to clarify her thoughts. She said that we were all doomed to become corporate slaves if the TPP was passed. The woman identified herself, but I lost her on You Tube. The last thing she mentioned was that the Bernie folks would never support Hillary even if that meant Trump would win.
At this point I have to say, I didn’t quite see that one coming, or more accurately I wasn’t ready to see it. What I did see even before everybody from Debbie to Bernie were repeatedly booed at the convention, was how it all looked on my laptop.
Outside of Michelle Obama, everybody presented themselves like the second rate political hacks that they are. Lots of off the rack stuff from Marshals and Target. The audience/delegates looked more like a gathering of The Price is Right contestants, rather than anything resembling a political party. Sarah Silverman and Al Franken tried unsuccessfully to tame an incensed crowd of oompaloompas. Even this was of no avail. They kept waving Golden Tickets and screaming “Lock Her Up” in Russian. The kind of disproportionate horror which remains with the soul long after the donkey train has left town.
What I saw a week prior at the RNC was a well-orchestrated omage to Ronald Reagan and a un apologetic nod to 1980’s Republican politics. It was like a patriotic second coming of Christ. Naturally Trump played Jesus in this performance. Everybody around him except for Cruz looked like they just stepped out of The Beautiful Factory in Beverly Hills.
I think Trump might have mentioned something about no more bread lines and who was behind it all, but I was too busy listening to a plagiarized speech by Melania.I don’t speak Russian, but someone told me that she converted to Americanism so that’s o.k., and it sounded great. There were lots and lots of big American Flags and I think I heard Dick Cheney was seen smoking rocks out by the dumpster with “W”. That is to say everyone was feeling so good from that Soviet ecstasy(Yes, the Reds were deep in the rafters here too) that even old foes were welcomed into the new Republican Party.
After four days of hearing how we were going to knock the living crap out of every swinging d… on the planet, I felt a lot better, about voting for Gary Johnson. Libertarians are generally less than fashionable themselves, yet they have this dope and guns gimmick going on. Which lends itself increasingly to my fellow American’s evolving lifestyles. Hard to go wrong with THC and semi-automatic weapons. At least after the conventions of 2016.