The smell of your dampness; the one of wet asphalt on an October night.
The look of your dreadfulness; the one of grizzled concrete in the harbor.
The sound of your madness; the one of whistling winds outside my bedroom.
The taste of your arcticness; the one of tantalizing air turning into smoke.
The feeling of your diversity; the one of segregation.

You are my first hometown.
In status quo; though your people are not.
I have seen you alive; though you are generally dead.
Epitomizing misery; though you work hard to disguise it.
Constantly aiming for glory; though you always fall short.

I miss to love you, but do not think I love to hate you. You have taught me of love and hate, how they are not antonyms, but merely the same. Rooted in the strongest of human emotions – the one of passion and obsession. Your indifference simply made me different. I left you years ago – on a quest for authenticity and joy. So let me tell you of the place where I ended up. A place that is nothing like you, but about to become you.


The smell of your sweetness; the one of pot and skunks.
The look of your Spanish constructions; the one of ahistorical exoticism.
The sound of your freeway; the one of interruption of thoughts.
The taste of your fumes; the one of premature death and overpopulation.
The feeling of your abandonment; the one of injustice.

You are my second hometown.
Supposed to be my promised land; though you are not.
Supposed to be open; though you are closed.
Supposed to have a warm heart; though your soul is dead.
Supposed to signify light; though you embody darkness.

I miss to love you, but do not think I love to hate you. You taught me what I never knew I always was. I am a nomad. Your difference simply made me indifferent.

Beyond the abyss.


About Author


Oscar Carleson

Oscar Carleson, from Malmö, Sweden, is a BA-student with concentrations in "Communications & Media" and "Professional & Creative Writing." He is a sports fan and a self-proclaimed writer and philosopher. Before coming to Antioch in April of 2016, he explored numerous fields at four different universities. He has an AA-degree in Marketing from Santa Barbara City College and experiences from universities in England, Sweden and Denmark. His favorite sports teams are Newcastle United and Dallas Stars, while his biggest idols are Friedrich Nietzsche, Bruce Springsteen, Ernest Hemingway and Alan Shearer. He is a dreamer and a glorifier of American culture.

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